03 August 2009
If a catapillar morphs into a butterfly, an adult human morphs into a parent by growing a second set of arms. Another father or mother will see that in each other but they are not obvious to those who do not have children.
This second set of arms is located inside the shoulder blades and grow below the set of arms you have now. Any time you have an ache in this area of your back during pregnancy then you know these arms are budding and growing.
When your child is newborn these arms are sort of like a newborn elephant’s trunk … a bit out of control and not quite under your control. It takes about 4-9 months for them to fully grow and become a natural part of your body.
If you feel clumsy then put into place your kindness to self and patience. Also being aware and paying attention to detail permits you to get better at using them. Fathers who have not been aware of these arms or have not grown them that they tend to give the baby back to the mother when they have trouble with the baby.
During this early phase of ‘becoming’ a dad you might not even notice your new arm buds. Women don’t either. But you need to know that they are there and ready to grow.
Once your baby is born you will feel all thumbs. This early period is another learning phase. Sure it would be simpler if humans had a true instinct to parent but we just don’t. We have to learn and sometimes we have to learn with each child we have because no two children (even as newborns) are alike so we have to learn about each new person who is inside that baby.
Having a second set of arms is vital to feeling comfortable as a father. It’s not a pleasant thought but you need to keep in mind that you might become a single dad. This means you always want to have your full compliment of fathering skills so if something like that happens you are ready.
Being a single dad doesn’t necessarily mean you split from your children’s mother or she passed away. She could go on vacation, having to go off for work, attend her elderly parents or any other reason. You want to feel as comfortable being a single dad as being in a partnership.
Right now you can imagine yourself being able to hold your baby, talk on the phone, stir the spaghetti sauce, wipe your 3 year old’s nose and scratch the itch on your chin. Having four arms is wonderful. If that’s not a pretty picture yet to you then see those four arms enhance your fishing, carpentry or other skills or hobbies! Four arms is a huge miracle of nature.
Bottom line
This blog will help you develop skills while your baby is growing inside its mom’s belly. You also need skills to be an effective help during The Birth. Here’s the best resource The Pink Kit Package (The Tool kit for fathers-to-be) is what you need to learn starting at 24 weeks … or later if you are reading this later in pregnancy. Become a wonderful birth coach/support and Wow your doctor or midwife, your parents, friends and partner. Step up now.
