20 August 2009
The period between 12 and 24 weeks is when you will begin to notice other fathers. Even if you have 6 kids already there are always things you want to learn, change or think about. In fact, once you become a dad you can become fascinated with fathering and the intricate ways to father.
Fascination about being a father only occurs when a man realizes that his role is terribly important to his children, to himself and to his childrens’ mother. Sadly too many men really don’t feel society sees them at all much less puts value on fatherhood … not near the level of attention given to women and mothers.
In fact, contact your Government representatives and tell them to set up a Governmental Council for Boys and Men.
When the Feminist Movement grew, focus moved toward the life of women and how to bring women into the modern societies that were being created. It’s only a few generations ago when most ‘upper class’ women lived a very limited life. Poor women always worked and had families.
However, people strive to move out of poverty and when they move socially upward they take on the behaviors of the upper classes. It won’t take you too much research to see how women used to live in European societies. Then do a bit of research and see how women lived in other cultures.
Become fascinated by how other cultures express woman-ness and male-ness.
So, the recent Feminist Movement in most modern cultures assumed that men actually had their role set and no focus was put on the changes modern culture had stimulated in everyone.
But what was the role of the man? Bring in the bacon in one form or another … literally or figuratively. But what else? Go to war?
In upper class European societies, men were also educated but merchants were NOT considered to be high class unless you owned a company.
The roles for women and men in European societies weren’t always very exciting unless you had heaps of money and were very privileged and then it was men who benefited from this. Upper class women were very cossetted. And when you take a look at traditional cultures where the roles have remained the same for sometimes thousands of years, you’ll realize that you, your parents, grandparents and great-grandparents have been in flux and change.
WW2 saw men go to war and women go to work in the war factories. When men came back, the women went back into the home and men went to work and TV arrived on the scene with the typical ‘family’.
Shortly afterward effective birth control freed women from random conception which was the usual way to conceive … have sex … get pregnant. Birth control changed everything … good, bad, right or wrong.
So The Feminist Movement urged women to become themselves and birth control permitted them to plan their family. Then came the changes to creating the global Free Market that has shaped modern societies since the 1980s. We’re still in this period where everyone has to work to just get by. For most families it takes 2 incomes. So both women and men are working whether outside or inside the home even when they have children.
So who is taking care of the children? Sure some moms are staying at home and some dads are as well. Other times children are put into care either with a family member or professional but kids still have to go home at the end of the day and usually on weekends.
Another factor that cannot be ignored … more single parents raising kids.
Now is the time to enliven the role of fathers in our societies. To tell a man that his role is important can immobilize him emotionally if he doesn’t know what that means and how to do that well.
Men are ruled by their heart and are very sensitive to feeling successful or not. This is hard wired into men’s cells. It’s important for a man to feel potent in all senses of the word. Men do not feel well when they feel impotent.
Women are hard wired to feel productive in all senses of the word and don’t feel good about themselves when they are not productive.
Let’s think about this hard-wired aspect of our humanity. In all traditional cultures men played a significant role in gathering food and building things. Prior to the modern world, we had to do everything ourselves. Women gave birth, gathered food and made things.
After the Industrial Revolution when we made life easier our historic roles were profoundly altered. Men could still symbolically go out and bring back the bacon through his work. Many women ignored the fact that most men didn’t like their jobs but felt the heavy hand of responsibility on their shoulder.
Women still gave birth but now they stayed at home tending children (often alone) with very little else to do. This is BORING! House work does not compensate.
This meant both men and women have often been unhappy. The Feminist Movement got women out of the house and choosing when to get pregnant. Men were ignored, challenged or identified by very negative qualities. It’s happened, too bad that everyone didn’t understand that both men and women have been profoundly negatively and positively impacted on the ever increasing changes that face modern societies.
So here we are, you and this blog. Begin to watch how other fathers father their children and talk to each other. We’ll discuss more about this.